thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
