I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
