he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
