I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
