i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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