Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
