sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
