i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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