I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
