im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
