hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
