So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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