the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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