Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
