Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
