Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
