Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
