If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
