I hate your face
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
