i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
