Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
