she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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