I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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