oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
