THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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