Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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