i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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