My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
