you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
