I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
