You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
