Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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