So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
