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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping

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• (949): View more from California

  Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.

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