i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
