No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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