i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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