On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
