on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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