Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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