I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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