This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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