Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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