I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
