Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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