Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
