Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
