just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
