I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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