Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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