my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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