Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
