He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
