Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
