You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
