We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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