I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
