Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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