life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
