Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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