Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
