My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
