Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
