Have you finally orgasmed yet?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i drank out of a bidet.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
