the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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