i wish there were pregnant emoticons
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
