I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
