he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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