He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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