apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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