i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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