Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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