Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
