how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
