I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
