I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize
