i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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