If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
