the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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