I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
