We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
