guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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