i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
