The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
