Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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