Only a mothe r could love this liver
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
