I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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