apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
